The Teensy Weensy Paua Goes In My Giant Poaching Sack
The Lonesome Buckwhips
Ten years in the making, the most expensive album ever to be produced and then subsequently banned. The Buckwhips spent most of the 1990s perfecting what would have guaranteed them worldwide instant notoriety with what would have been their debut album. The album included the title track, which gave clear instructions on how to poach paua, details of prime paua poaching locations, how to avoid getting caught and the names of people willing to buy illegal paua. The Ministry of Fisheries took the Buckwhips to court to have the album banned because of this song and also because of lyrics to Scandal Fish as it insinuated a Ministry of Fisheries officer was involved in a kinky sex scandal. Benny says, “Basically this employee caught us once poaching paua and slapped us with a heavy fine, so we accused the officer of cheating on his wife and frequenting brothels. We didn’t know slander was illegal.” The Buckwhips were told if they pulled the two tracks in question off the album and changed the title of the album then it could be released. The Buckwhips refused to do so, and the album was never released. Arty explains, “Denial is the first sign of guilt, we should know. However, being sticklers for the truth, as we are, as soon as the officer began denying our allegations we took a moral stance and decided it would be released as is, or it wouldn’t be released at all. It was a matter of principle.” The album was never released.
The Buckwhips also intended to release the potential hit Dolphin Killing as a special rarity for Australasian release only. It was written in response to the WWF and Greenpeace’s belief that set-netting and drag nets is what is killing the near-extinct Maui and Hector’s dolphins, “That’s a load of crap,” argues Benny, “because I’ve tried killing these dolphins with nets and it just doesn’t work. To kill these dolphins you need a shotgun, a harpoon or some explosives. Cat or possum meat is also great for bait.”