If you’re like me this is the prime time to be touring with band, so if you need to go away for a few months whether it be you’re in a world famous country music outfit, like myself, or you’re up-the-duff so you gotta go “up north” for a while, here’s some advice.

I’m assuming that your bean garden has a tarpaulin base about one metre below the garden surface. So here we go, buy a trailer (not a caravan) and make sure your tour bus has got a tow bar on it. Much like The Buckwhips Mobile does. Dig around the garden until the four corners of the tarpaulin are exposed. Go to a place that hires heavy machinery like diggers and cranes and so forth. Using some Sellotape and string attach it to the crane. Throw a party! Because it’s not often that you have a crane in your backyard! Then using the crane lift up your garden and transplant it in your trailer. You now have a completely mobile bean garden to take on tour with you!

Alternatively ask your mates to water the garden. But if they say “yes” don’t believe them because they’ll probably be too busy using your caravan as an illegal casino. The mobile bean farm is the only way to go!

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